Grief made it easy to ignore the uneasiness growing inside me. By the time I realized something wasn’t right, events were already unfolding beyond my control.
The rain hadn’t come yet that morning, but the sky over our porch already looked gray. I sat in the living room next to Harold’s chair, which was my husband’s.
For the first time since the funeral, three weeks to the day, I listened to my children moving through the rooms above me like polite burglars.
Six cardboard boxes waited by the front door when they were done. They didn’t carry all of my life, just what they thought I still needed.
My oldest, Diane, came down the stairs with an armful of my nightgowns and set them on the coffee table. She folded each one slowly, smoothing the creases as if that was more than enough kindness for me.
“You’ll be safer there, Mom,” she said.
She didn’t look up.
“You know what I mean.”
I didn’t, really. But I’d raised her, and I knew that tone. It was the same one she used as a girl when she’d already decided something and was waiting for me to catch up.
My sons, Mark and Greg, stood in the hallway nodding.
Neither of them looked at their father’s chair as they addressed me. For 42 years, that chair had faced me, and now my own children couldn’t bear the sight of it.
“Two sweaters should be enough,” Diane said. “The beige one and the navy one.
Your pills. The wedding photo. That blue blanket you like.”
“The one I used on the porch.”
“Yes, Mom.
That one.”
I held Harold’s wedding ring in my palm. I’d taken it off his finger myself, the morning of the service, and I hadn’t been able to put it down since. It felt warmer than it should have.
On the kitchen counter, behind a stack of unopened sympathy cards, I noticed a yellow measuring tape, the kind a realtor carries.
Someone had already been through the house with numbers in their head.
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