But now I’m wondering if I totally led Jake on and confused my son in the process. So, Bright Side, was I setting a healthy boundary, or did I completely screw this up and hurt everyone involved? What would you do next if you were me?
Best,
Lucy!
If you let him act like a dad for 4 years, discipline should’ve been part of that.
You had no right to yank it away when he tried to help.
Thank you so much for trusting us with your story, Lucy, it takes real courage to put something this raw and personal out there.
- Apologizing doesn’t mean surrendering control — If you reach out to Jake, apologizing doesn’t mean you’re handing over parental authority forever.
It just means you’re acknowledging that you invalidated his role. You can say, “I’m sorry I said that,” and still later have a conversation about boundaries and discipline. Those aren’t mutually exclusive, even though it feels like they are.
- Repairing with your kid comes before fixing the relationship — We know part of you wants to chase the adult mess first, but Mark needs you grounded and present.
Sit with him.
Answer questions without defensiveness.
If he asks, “Why did you say that?” don’t sugarcoat, just explain it at a kid level and admit you messed up.Repair with him is non-negotiable; everything else is optional.
- Be gentle with yourself, but don’t avoid the lesson — You can hold two truths at once: you didn’t act out of malice and there’s something real to learn here. Don’t beat yourself up endlessly, but don’t brush it off either.
Sit with the discomfort long enough to grow from it.
That’s how you make sure this doesn’t repeat with the next person who loves you and your kid.
Situations like this also show how much love, effort, and intention people bring into blended families, even when things fall apart. With honest communication and clearer boundaries, moments like these can become turning points for healing and growth.
Read next: “I Refuse to Let My Stepdaughter Return Home After She Violated My Trust”
