The “favored” child may be forgiven easily, praised more, or held to different standards—while other siblings are criticized or punished more harshly. Over time, this creates confusion, guilt, jealousy, and resentment on all sides.
Sometimes, parents place their own unrealized dreams onto one child, pushing them to succeed in ways that don’t align with who they truly are. In other cases, a talented or perceptive child may be downplayed or ignored so they don’t outshine others—turning them into the family’s “black sheep.”
These roles often don’t disappear with age.
Feelings of rivalry, shame, or injustice can deepen over time and become one of the main reasons adult siblings drift apart or cut contact entirely.
Lack of Parental Authority
In healthy families, parents step in when children act disrespectfully. But some parents avoid conflict at all costs. They may fear upsetting their children or being seen as “the bad guy,” so they fail to set limits.
When this happens, stronger or more aggressive siblings may take control.
Without consequences, bullying behaviors can escalate. Other siblings may grow up feeling unsafe, unseen, and emotionally neglected.
Children in these environments often learn to stay quiet, suppress their needs, and stay alert to avoid triggering conflict—patterns that can follow them well into adulthood.
When Parents Set the Tone
Parents who lash out, and scapegoat one child unintentionally teach their children that this behavior is acceptable.
If one child is blamed for everything that goes wrong, siblings may learn to redirect responsibility onto them as well. Over time, this creates deep fractures in sibling relationships and can normalize cruelty within the family.
Research has shown that sibling abuse is more common in families where there is ongoing conflict or abuse between parents.
Sibling Conflict Isn’t “Just Fighting”
Some conflict between siblings is normal.
But repeated humiliation and intimidation are not.
Experts note that sibling abuse is likely present when:
- The behavior is ongoing and relentless;
- Your lifestyle or personality changes because of it;
- The sibling spreads lies or damages your reputation;
- You need a long time to recover emotionally after contact;
- Similar unhealthy dynamics appear in other relationships.
In severe cases, distancing or estrangement can be a form of self-protection rather than cruelty.
It’s important to remember that toxic siblings are often reacting to dysfunction within the family system. While this doesn’t excuse the harm they cause, it helps explain how these patterns take root.
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