I let my wife borrow the BMW today…
I told her to be careful, there’s plenty of idiots on the road. Sure enough about 15 minutes later on the radio; I hear that there’s a car driving on the wrong side of the road in my area. I gave her a call: Be careful love, someone’s driving on the wrong side of the road.
Wife: Someone is…? EVERYONE IS! ================================
After a meeting several days ago, I couldn’t find my keys.
I quickly gave myself a personal “TSA Pat Down.”
They weren’t in my pockets. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot.
My husband has scolded me many times for leaving my keys in the car’s ignition. He’s afraid that the car could be stolen. As I looked around the parking lot, I realized he was right.
The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.
Then I made the most difficult call of all to my husband: “I left my keys in the car and it’s been stolen.”
There was a moment of silence. I thought the call had been disconnected, but then I heard his voice. “Are you kidding me?” he barked, “I dropped you off!”
Now it was my turn to be silent.
Embarrassed, I said, “Well, can you come and get me?”
He retorted, “I will, as soon as I convince this cop that I didn’t steal your car!”
Welcome to the golden years…
================================
A husband went to the sheriff’s department to report that his wife was missing. Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home.
Sergeant: What is her height? Husband: Gee, I’m not sure. A little over five-feet tall.
Sergeant: Weight? Husband: Don’t know. Not slim, not really fat.
Sergeant: Color of eyes? Husband: Never noticed. Sergeant: Color of hair?
Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown. Sergeant: What was she wearing?
Husband: Could have been a skirt or shorts. I don’t remember exactly. Sergeant: What kind of car did she go in?
Husband: She went in my truck. Sergeant: What kind of truck was it? Husband: Brand new 2015 Ford F150 King Ranch 4X4 with eco-boost 5.0L 1/6 engine special ordered with manual transmission.
The story doesn’t end here — it continues on the next page.
Tap READ MORE to discover the rest 🔎👇
