An elderly Florida lady finished her shopping and returned to her car—only to find four men trying to get inside. Without thinking, she dropped her bags and shouted: “I’m warning you—I know how to protect myself! Get out—NOW!”
The men didn’t wait around.
They ran off as fast as they could. Still shaking, she loaded her groceries and sat in the driver’s seat. But no matter how hard she tried, her key wouldn’t fit the ignition.
Then she noticed a football, a Frisbee, and two cases of soda on the seat beside her…
A few spaces away sat her real car. Embarrassed, she went to the police station to explain. The officer couldn’t stop laughing—because just minutes earlier, four young men had reported being “chased off” by a tiny grandma with curly white hair, glasses, and a very loud voice.
No charges were filed. Moral of the story: If you’re going to have a senior moment, make it a memorable one! The Old Lady and the Speeding Ticket
One sunny afternoon, an 82-year-old lady named Mrs.
Gertrude Simmons was pulled over by a highway patrol officer for going 70 in a 45 mph zone. The young officer approached the car, glanced at the fluffy pink steering wheel cover, the bobblehead cat on the dashboard, and Mrs. Simmons, barely peeking over the wheel in her giant sunglasses and leopard-print sun hat.
Officer: “Ma’am, do you realize how fast you were going?”
Mrs. Simmons: “Well, I had the radio on really loud, and the car seemed to be enjoying it. I didn’t want to k.1.l.l.
the vibe.”
Officer (smiling slightly): “License and registration, please.”
Mrs. Simmons fumbled through her enormous purse, pulling out items one by one: a tin of hard candies, knitting needles, a dog leash with no dog, and a laminated church bulletin from 1993. Finally, she handed over her license with a grin that suggested she may or may not fully understand the seriousness of the situation.
Officer: “Do you know why I pulled you over?”
Mrs. Simmons: “Of course! You young folks are always looking for an excuse to talk to a classy older lady.”
Officer (trying not to laugh): “No ma’am, you were speeding.”
She leaned in, squinted at his badge, and said, “Well, Officer Martinez, I’ve got a casserole in the oven, a cat stuck in the laundry hamper, and a bingo game starting in 20 minutes.
The story doesn’t end here — it continues on the next page.
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