I knew my mother would hate the uniform. I knew it before I pulled into the church parking lot, before the tires of my rental car crunched over the gravel, before I saw the line of American flags snapping in the cold November wind. I knew it that morning in the hotel room, staring at myself in the mirror with my dress blues laid across the bed like a promise I had made too late.
The woman in the mirror looked older than thirty-four. Not old. Just worn in the places people could not easily see.
My name is Hannah Mercer. For twelve years, my hometown believed I had abandoned my family. For twelve years, my mother let them believe it.
And that morning, as I buttoned my jacket and pinned the small rows of ribbons above my heart, I told myself I was not going to the memorial to fight. I was going to say goodbye to my father. The First Baptist Church of Briar Glen, Tennessee, sat on the same hill where it had stood since before my grandmother was born.
White steeple. Red doors. Bell tower.
Stained glass showing Jesus with lambs and fishermen and lost sons returning home. I almost laughed at that last image. Lost sons got parades.
Lost daughters got whispers. The parking lot was already full. Trucks with Marine Corps stickers.
Sedans with church magnets. A few motorcycles with folded flags tied to the handlebars. People had come from three counties to honor my father, Colonel Robert Mercer, United States Army, retired.
To most of Briar Glen, he was a hero. To me, he was Dad. The man who taught me to change a tire before I was tall enough to see over the hood.
Who put cinnamon in pancake batter. Who sat on the back porch at dawn with coffee so black it looked like ink. Who mailed me handwritten letters even when he could not say where I was or what I was doing.
He was also the man whose funeral I had missed because I was lying unconscious in a military hospital in Germany, shrapnel in my side, a surgeon telling my commanding officer I might not wake up. My mother never told anyone that part. She told them I chose not to come.
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