My mom wore the same ragged coat for 30 winters, and I spent most of my life being embarrassed by it. After her funeral, I finally reached into the pockets, and what I found inside made me realize I’d been ashamed of the wrong thing all along.
My name is Jimmy. I’m 36 years old, and I spent most of my childhood wishing my mother owned a different coat.
Charcoal gray wool, thinning at the elbows, pilled at the cuffs, with two mismatched buttons she’d sewn on over the years.
I hated everything about it.
When I was 14, I asked her to drop me off a block away from school so my friends wouldn’t see the patches.
She just smiled that tired smile.
“It keeps the cold out, baby. That’s all that matters.”
I told myself I’d buy her something better one day. And I did.
When I landed my first job as an architect, I bought her a beautiful cashmere trench coat.
It was elegant and expensive…
the kind of coat that told the world you’d made it.
Mom thanked me warmly and hung it carefully in the closet.
The next morning, she wore the old coat to work.
Mom worked at a flower shop in the mall. She’d always loved flowers. Said they were the only things that were beautiful without trying.
We fought about that coat all the time.
“Mom, we’re not that poor family anymore,” I insisted.
“Please… just throw that thing.”
She looked at me like I’d said something sad.
“I know, baby. I know.
But I can’t throw it away,” she answered, and I could see the pain in her eyes.
“Why not?”
She just smiled. And she kept wearing that coat until her last breath.
Mom died at 60, unexpectedly, on a Tuesday morning in February during the coldest week of the year.
The doctors said regular checkups might’ve caught it.
I lived in the city, but I visited every weekend and called Mom every evening.
I told myself I was doing enough. The truth is, I liked believing that.
***
After the funeral, I drove to Mom’s tiny apartment alone.
I needed to pack up her things.
Needed to do something with my hands because my chest felt hollowed out.
The coat was still hanging by the door.
Same hook. Same position. Like she’d just stepped out to get the mail and would be back any minute.
Something shifted in me when I saw it.
Grief felt powerless.
Anger felt like something I could still control.
We could’ve afforded better for years. She’d chosen to keep wearing that thing. And now she was gone, and I’d never get to understand why.
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