One sunny afternoon, an 82-year-old lady named Mrs. Gertrude Simmons was pulled over by a highway patrol officer for going 70 in a 45 mph zone. The young officer approached the car, glanced at the fluffy pink steering wheel cover, the bobblehead cat on the dashboard, and Mrs.
Simmons, barely peeking over the wheel in her giant sunglasses and leopard-print sun hat. Officer: “Ma’am, do you realize how fast you were going?”
Mrs. Simmons: “Well, I had the radio on really loud, and the car seemed to be enjoying it.
I didn’t want to k.1.l.l. the vibe.”
Officer (smiling slightly): “License and registration, please.”
Mrs. Simmons fumbled through her enormous purse, pulling out items one by one: a tin of hard candies, knitting needles, a dog leash with no dog, and a laminated church bulletin from 1993.
Finally, she handed over her license with a grin that suggested she may or may not fully understand the seriousness of the situation. Officer: “Do you know why I pulled you over?”
Mrs. Simmons: “Of course!
You young folks are always looking for an excuse to talk to a classy older lady.”
Officer (trying not to laugh): “No ma’am, you were speeding.”
She leaned in, squinted at his badge, and said, “Well, Officer Martinez, I’ve got a casserole in the oven, a cat stuck in the laundry hamper, and a bingo game starting in 20 minutes. Unless you want a riot at the senior center, I suggest we wrap this up.”
The officer was completely thrown off. “Okay… but speeding is still—”
Mrs.
What happened next changed everything… FULL STORY on the next page.
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